thus making me awesome and them whores
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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