Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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