She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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