Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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