Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize