i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
