Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
