I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
