she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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