My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize