how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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