if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
