either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
