glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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