i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
