Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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