remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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