Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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