I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
