I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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