Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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