I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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