Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
