The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We had to coat check the pizza.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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