I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
