Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize