Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
