there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
MIDGETS
????
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
