Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
