I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
