Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
