I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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