she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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