He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
