why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
