I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
