just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
