im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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