I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
