dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
