I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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