I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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