he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
