Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You need Xanax blowdarts
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize