I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
