I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
