Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
