Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
