Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
