Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
