Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
