And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
