Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I love you. Go after that dick
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
