I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize