I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
