I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize