The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
