I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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