I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
