I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
