when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
