Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
