only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
