The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
