i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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