i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
