It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
