Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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