All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
