So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
