I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm both gender and math confused
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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